Thursday: Unwritten Rules
DAILY BLOG
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Nobody hands us a list of all the unwritten rules.
Still, somehow, most of us learn them.
When someone holds the door open, you say thank you. When a driver lets you merge, you give a little wave. You do not stand too close to a stranger in line. If you take the last cup of coffee, you should probably make another pot.
These rules are rarely posted anywhere, but we notice when someone ignores them.
Unwritten rules are part of nearly every area of life. Families have them. Workplaces have them. Friendships, neighborhoods, and communities have them too.
In one family, everyone may know not to call after a certain hour unless it is an emergency. In another, nobody is allowed to leave without taking food home. Some families talk about everything, while others avoid certain subjects entirely.
At work, unwritten rules can be even more complicated. There may be an official way to do something and the way everyone actually does it. New employees often spend their first few weeks figuring out which meetings matter, who knows what, and what “quick question” really means.
Some unwritten rules are about basic respect. Do not play loud videos in a quiet waiting room. Return the shopping cart. Let people get off the elevator before getting on. If someone shows you a picture on their phone, do not start swiping through the rest of their photos.
Simple enough, right?
The problem is that not everyone grew up with the same rules.
Something considered polite in one home may seem strange in another. One person may believe visitors should make themselves comfortable. Someone else may expect guests to ask before touching anything. Neither person is necessarily wrong. They are simply following different rulebooks.
This is where misunderstandings begin.
We sometimes judge people for breaking rules they never knew existed. Instead of explaining what we expected, we assume they should already understand. Then we become frustrated when they do not.
Maybe some unwritten rules need to be spoken.
Healthy communication means giving people a fair chance to understand our boundaries, preferences, and expectations. People cannot always guess what we need, no matter how obvious it seems to us.
Unwritten rules can help life run more smoothly, but they can also create confusion. A little patience, a little explanation, and a little common sense can go a long way.
And yes, if you finish the coffee, please make another pot.
Something to think about: What is one unwritten rule you believe everyone should follow?
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