Helper

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There was a time in my life when I was the person everybody called. Not because I claimed to have all the answers or because I was trying to be anyone's hero. I simply cared. If someone needed to talk, I listened. If someone needed help, I helped. If they needed encouragement, I tried to be the voice that reminded them things would get better. That became part of who I was. Looking back, I don't regret having a heart that wanted to see others do well. I don't regret being understanding, kind, patient, or giving. Those qualities still matter to me today. What changed wasn't my heart. What changed was my understanding of people.

For a long time, I believed everyone loved the way I loved. I assumed people naturally gave back what they received. If I showed up for them, surely they would show up for me. If I made them a priority, surely I would matter when I needed someone too. That was the picture I painted in my mind. The reality, however, was very different. Some people truly appreciated everything I did. They were grateful, thoughtful, and respectful of my time and energy. Others could honestly care less. As long as I continued giving, they were happy to receive. The moment I needed understanding or support in return, things suddenly became quiet. That was a difficult lesson for me because I never helped people expecting payment or recognition. I simply believed relationships were meant to be mutual.

Over time, I found myself carrying burdens that weren't mine to carry. I was checking on people, encouraging people, solving problems, showing up when they called, and making myself available whenever I could. Meanwhile, I was slowly placing my own needs further and further down the list. I became so focused on helping everyone else that I barely stopped to ask how I was doing. I convinced myself that being dependable was simply part of who I was, but somewhere along the journey I realized there was a difference between being helpful and allowing people to become comfortable with constantly taking from you. That's a lesson experience teaches much better than words ever could.

As I reflected on those years, I had to ask myself a difficult question. Was I helping because I genuinely wanted to, or had I begun believing my value was tied to what I could do for other people? That question stayed with me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had spent so much time proving my worth through my actions that I had forgotten my worth existed before I ever lifted a finger for anyone. I didn't need to earn my place in people's lives by constantly sacrificing myself. The people who truly valued me appreciated my presence, not just my usefulness.

That realization changed me, but it didn't make me bitter. It didn't make me stop caring, and it certainly didn't make me stop helping people. Instead, it taught me something I wish I had understood much earlier in life. Not everyone deserves unlimited access to your kindness. Not everyone deserves another chance simply because they ask for one. Some people are grateful for your heart, while others only recognize your usefulness. Learning the difference isn't becoming cold—it's becoming wise.

The greatest change, however, happened when I finally decided to help myself first. That wasn't an easy decision because, for so long, I believed putting myself first somehow meant I was being selfish. I know now that it doesn't. Loving yourself enough to protect your peace, your time, your energy, and your well-being isn't selfish at all. It's necessary. The healthier I became emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, the better I became at helping others because I was no longer giving from a place of exhaustion. I was giving from a place of abundance.

Today, I still believe the world needs helpers. We need compassionate people. We need those who naturally encourage others and genuinely want to see people succeed. I never want to lose that part of myself because it's one of the things I value most. At the same time, I know that helping others should never come at the expense of losing yourself. Some people will cherish your kindness. Others will overlook it completely. Some will meet your effort with the same energy, while others will simply take until there's nothing left to give. My hope is that you learn that lesson sooner than I did.

If you see yourself somewhere within these words, let this be your reminder that your kindness is a gift, but so are your boundaries. Continue showing up for people who value your presence, appreciate your heart, and respect your time. Continue being the helper if that's who you are, but don't forget that the person who deserves your care, your patience, your grace, and your love the most is the one looking back at you in the mirror. That lesson changed my life, and it is one of the greatest reasons I can honestly say today that I finally learned to Love Me First as well as why I wrote the book.

Until tomorrow.

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